Breaking Free from the Need to Be Liked—What I never new
Learn how to let go of people-pleasing and live with the peace, confidence, and freedom that comes from putting God first
I always thought being a “people pleaser” was a good thing. After all, what’s wrong with wanting to make people happy, avoid conflict, and be liked? It seemed kind, helpful—even Christlike. But it can be draining, making you anxious about what others think and making you afraid to say no—even when you need to. The truth is, deep down, you are living for the approval of people, which pulls you away from the peace and purpose God wants for you.
The Truth about Pleasing People
So, what does a people pleaser look like? It’s someone who feels a strong need to make others happy, gain their approval, or avoid their disapproval—sometimes at the expense of their own values, peace, or even obedience to God. It often looks like kindness on the outside, but inside there’s the fear of rejection, a desire to be liked, or even a belief that our worth depends on what others think of us.
And here’s the truth: People-pleasing isn't just a harmless personality trait—it’s a spiritual trap.
The Bible is clear that we can’t live to please people and still live to please God. In Galatians 1:10, Paul says,
“If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
I never looked at it that way. When you constantly try to win others’ approval, you are putting their opinions above God’s truth, which comes to idolatry—letting something or someone take God’s rightful place in your heart.
Here are a few reasons people-pleasing is dangerous:
It leads to compromise. We may stay silent about truth, go along with wrong decisions, or cross our own boundaries just to avoid disappointing someone.
It causes burnout. You can’t meet everyone’s expectations—and when you try, you end up emotionally exhausted and spiritually empty.
It steals your identity. Instead of living confidently for God, you start chasing your worth through people’s opinions.
It weakens your witness. If we’re afraid of what people will think, we may hold back from sharing our faith or standing for what’s right.
Even Jesus was in this position. He loved people, but He didn’t live to please them—He lived to please His Father. Sometimes, that means confronting sin, being misunderstood, or even being rejected. But He never swayed from the truth. He loved all people without being ruled by fear of man.
How to Overcome People-Pleasing?
As with all spiritual challenges, overcoming people-pleasing is a journey. It is a new way of life to start walking in a new direction. Some adjustments to make in your life are:
Recognize it and bring it to God. Admit it and confess to God that you are more focused on what people think than on what He wants.
Root your identity in Christ. People-pleasing starts when we forget who we are in Jesus. You are loved, chosen, and accepted. You don’t have to earn God’s approval—it’s yours because of Christ. The more you know who you are in Him, the less power people’s opinions will have over you.
Practice living to please God. Ask God what would please Him in every situation. It can be in your conversation with others, making a decision, or setting a boundary. Let His voice be louder than anyone else’s. It doesn’t mean we stop caring for others—it means we stop needing their approval to feel okay.
Speak the truth in love. Sometimes loving people means telling them things they may not want to hear—or choosing not to give them what they want. That’s okay. Jesus did it all the time. Speaking the truth gently and with love reflects God’s heart. And when we say no with grace, we make space for God’s will in our lives.
Set healthy boundaries. This is hard, especially if you’ve always said yes to everything. But boundaries are biblical—they help you steward your time, energy, and emotional well-being. You’re not selfish by saying no; you’re being faithful to what God has called you to do.
Choose God First
God didn’t create us to live in fear of others’ approval. He created us to walk in freedom, peace, and purpose—with our hearts fully His.
Stop living for likes and applause, especially on social media. Live for the One who already sees us, knows us, and loves us fully. That’s where true joy and confidence begin.
Remember: You’re not being unkind when you live for God first. You’re being faithful.
Wow. What a powerful read Dr. Blessings and strength to your ministry.