A Personal Journey Through Uncertainty
How I wrestled with questions of faith, control, and surrender—only to discover a deeper reliance on God’s promises
The festive season is a time of joy, relaxation, and family gatherings. For me, this past holiday was no different—we visited relatives living in the Cape. The beautiful scenery, pleasant weather, and a break from the usual routine gave us a chance to unwind. We also took my mother along since she can no longer travel alone.
One evening, shortly after dinner, everything changed. We noticed that something was wrong with my mother. At first, we couldn’t understand what was happening—she was unable to move or speak. It was clear that we needed to get her medical help as soon as possible. We scrambled to contact emergency services, and though the response time was fast, it felt like an eternity. At the hospital, doctors confirmed our worst fear: my mother had suffered a severe stroke.
After the initial shock subsided, I reflected on the situation. What was God trying to show me through this? My mother is a devout Christian—she fears God, serves actively in her church, and spends time reading and doing Bible study. Why would something like this happen to her?
What I realised in those moments of questioning was humbling: I am not in control. The "why" is a human desire to manage and control every aspect of life. We think we know best. We want things to go according to our plans. But God’s ways are not our ways.
This experience reminded me that we live in a world very different from His. In our world, we prioritise our desires—what we want, what we think we need. But God’s world operates on a completely different level, one where it’s about Him and me, nothing else. It’s about personal surrender to His will.
The truth is, life is unpredictable. Sickness, hardship, and sorrow are part of this world. Yet God remains sovereign. Though we may not understand His plans, we are called to trust Him and submit to His will. I thought about Proverbs 3:5-6:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways, submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."
Submitting to God doesn’t mean that difficulties disappear. It means that even in the middle of trials, we cling to His promises. And to do that, we must cultivate a personal relationship with Him—knowing Him, trusting Him, and sharing our hearts with Him daily. Without that relationship, it's hard to find peace in life’s storms.
I also found comfort in the following verses:
“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:16–18). This world is not the end. As a Christian, I have an eternal perspective. We will have a reward some day, and it will be glorious.
“We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). God uses those bad things for an ultimate, lasting good.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perserverance” (James 1:2-3). Things happen to me to equip me and strengthen my faith.
As my mother continues to recover in the hospital, I still don’t know what the future holds for her or for us. But I do know one thing for certain: God is in control. And through every uncertainty, every moment of fear or doubt, He walks beside us. This realisation gives me strength to move forward, trusting in His plan even when it doesn’t align with my own.
In moments of crisis, it’s natural to ask how we will get through it. I believe the only way to endure life’s challenges is to lean on God, to trust His promises, and to walk closely with Him. Life won’t always go the way we plan, but in surrendering to God’s will, we find peace that is beyond our understanding.